EVERY fortnight sex and love expert Dr Pam Spurr brings you must-know information to put sizzle between your sheets. Follow her on Twitter for daily tips @drpamspurr.
From friends to frolics between the sheets
The X Factor lost its zing this year except for two people who were constantly talked about. Yes, it was all about will they or won’t they, should they or shouldn’t they for Olly Murs and Caroline Flack.
The cynics amongst us (holding my hand up) think it was a PR ploy to pull in more viewers. But research suggests about 40 per cent of us fancy a friend at some point. And a third of us have slept with a friend.
So how do you cope when your heart beats faster when you see that fanciable friend? And when should you try turning it into more?
Here’s five top things to consider first:
1) Are you lonely and it’s easy to over-rely on your friend?
2) Are you trying to prove something to an ex – that you and your friend always fancied each other? Trust me, this happens. They know their ex will get wind they’re seeing their friend. And they know it’ll hurt.
3) Are you shy and find it hard meeting people? So since you know your friend already, you think why not?
4) Are you in a tight friendship group? Will getting off with a friend rock the entire boat? I’ve heard of groups of friend’s being blown apart because of a romance between two. It’s surprising how much jealousy there can be between friends.
5) Could you really fall for your friend or do you just want a fumble? If you’re looking for a friend with fringe benefits, let them know that’s all you want! After all they might fall in love with the oh-so-wonderful you.
Answered those questions honestly? Still want to proceed? Then here’s how to rock that friendship into something hot:
1) Turn up the flirting – you’ve probably already flirted a bit. Come on, who hasn’t with a friend? Now give clear signals of intent. Ratchet up flirting when you chat on the phone. Give them clear signs in messages, e.g., how hot they looked the other night. Give them proof you’re interested.
2) Take it further – if you’re part of a group, book in something for just the two of you. You’ll both realise what’s happening. Keep it positive, do more flirting, then let them know you have stronger feelings. Gauge their reaction.
3) Start as you mean to go on – if they’re also keen on more, chances are sex will be great. You already have trust as friends. So that means no fibbing about what you like. And women shouldn’t fake the big-O. Instead describe exactly how to touch, kiss, lick and suck all your pleasure zones.
4) Take it to the limit – you’ve the perfect opportunity to do things you haven’t tried. If none of your exes wanted oral, a bit of bondage, anal, or whatever, put it to your friend. For instance, you’ve dreamed of tying someone up and spanking them. Sound them out, even suggest you start with ‘pretend’ spanking. Tie them up and then whack the spanking paddle down around their body, not on it!
5) Indulge in fantasy chat – you can reveal the secret sexy fantasies you’ve had about each other. It’ll be really hot telling them all the things you used to fantasise about.
6) Turn those fantasies into reality – if when you’d all meet as a group, you’d fantasise about sneaking off with your friend, then do it. Plan that quick one behind the pub - all the more exciting with your friends none the wiser.
7) ‘Fessing up to your other friends - you might enjoy the sneaking around. It’s kind of like the excitement some describe when having an affair. But your friends aren’t fools. They’ll work it out. Best to be honest that you two are getting it together.
Dr Pam’s Position: The Starfish
A very sexy position but it requires flexibility. She lies on her back, he crouches on his knees between her legs. He then pulls her towards him and she edges her legs up on his shoulders.
Or if she’s not that flexible, then she puts one of her legs on his shoulder turning it into “Split the Whisker” position.
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