Dear Deidre
I HAD wild sex with a driver at our firm. He unleashed the goddess in me but now I feel cheap and humiliated.
I’m 43 and I’ve been married for 20 years. My husband is 50 and he’s never been affectionate or complimented me, although I keep myself in shape and try to look good for him.
I’ve got a job taking bookings in a taxi office and one of our drivers made a play for me. He’s 35 and very flirtatious.
He showed lots of interest in me and showered me with kind words whenever I made a special effort to look nice for work. It felt fantastic to feel wanted by somebody at last.
When he offered to buy me dinner, I told my partner I was meeting an old college friend.
We met at a hotel and our flirting became so sexual we could hardly wait for the bill to come. We checked in to a room and had wild, frenzied and passionate sex. I’d never felt that way before.
My husband makes me feel miserable because I so crave some affection. Sex is handed to him on a plate, yet it’s over quickly for him and there’s no foreplay for me. It really doesn’t bother him.
I’ve talked to him about it but he just says, “You knew what you were getting when you married me.”
I was on a high after my passionate evening with the driver but my elation was short-lived because he’s been blanking me since then.
It’s like he’s got what he wanted and now he’s moved on.
I feel ashamed, embarrassed and humiliated.
I dread him coming in to the office now. I want to run away. My life feels hopeless. Help.
DEIDRE SAYS: A cold, lonely marriage left you vulnerable to cheating, but the guy is a player and just using you, I’m afraid.
In any case the real answer lies in sorting out your marriage. Tell your husband it’s not good enough to just dismiss your feelings.
If he wants to stay married, he will have to make some changes.
Be specific — because chances are no-one showed much affection in the home he grew up in. Say you want a kiss and cuddle every morning and evening, for example.
My e-leaflet How To Have Great Sex explains how he can get it right for you, even after all these years. Don’t settle for less.
So hurt over his double life lies
Dear Deidre
SHOULD I tell my boyfriend’s wife that he has been leading a double life?
We were together for nearly a year after we met at a party. He’s 40 and I am 30.
But, recently, I found out that although he lived with me Monday to Friday, he had a home, wife and two boys 200 miles away. He’d see them every weekend.
I had no idea. It has really messed me up. I feel like a right mug.
I’ve found his wife on Facebook. My friends all think I should message her and tell her what he’s been doing, but do I really want to destroy a family just before Christmas?
DEIDRE SAYS: No, of course not. You’re naturally hurt and angry but dumping this on his wife won’t help.
Revenge may feel sweet but the threat that you could tell her may be the best punishment you can have for this guy. It will always be on his conscience.
You weren’t to know he was married but think of it as a lesson learned the hard way, and look for someone whose life is an open book to you in future.
Scared of going on solo holiday
Dear Deidre
MY wife has just left me so I’ll have to go on our Christmas break to Tenerife on my own. I’m petrified.
I’m 62 and we booked this trip months ago. I’m scared of spending a fortnight among all those strangers on my own, but I don’t want to waste the money.
My partner was always the chatty one. I won’t know anyone and I’m worried about getting through the days and meals on my own.
DEIDRE SAYS: If there is no friend or relative who can step in, be comforted by the fact that trips such as these very much bear in mind the needs of lone travellers.
Phone or email the company now and explain. They might have a waiting list and be able to refund half the cost, but also they may well have special tables at dinner to group together those who would like some company.
Don’t worry about shining. Just keep asking people about themselves.
My e-leaflet Social Anxiety will help but as a single man, you may be like gold dust! Have fun.
Dear Deidre
I’M getting married in a few months but I’m scared I’ll be making a big mistake. An insanely pretty girl I know has just said she’d love to hook up with me.
Don’t get me wrong, I adore my fiancée with all my heart. But with the wedding round the corner, I’m very aware of what I’m giving up.
I can’t help but think I’m never going to have sex with another woman. I’m 29.
The girl who told me she’d love to hook up with me is amazing looking. I was always perfectly content — until now. Do all guys go through this worry?
DEIDRE SAYS: Not all — but plenty of brides and grooms do get cold feet for a few days or weeks.
Are you prepared to let your fiancée slip through your fingers for one last conquest with a girl who will probably mean nothing to you in a few months?
My e-leaflet Love Or Lust? will help you decide.
Dear Deidre
MY son’s ex tracked me down on Facebook to tell me I have a nine-year-old granddaughter.
She said she had a one-night stand with my boy ten years ago and that he’d agreed to a DNA test to prove the child was his.
My son is now 32 and the girl he had the fling with is 28. She’s begging my lad to meet his girl as she apparently “wants to meet her biological dad”. What could be going through her mind? This child lived with her aunt for a while as her mother couldn’t cope, so I worry the little girl may be very unhappy. What do I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s only natural for a nine-year-old to want to know her daddy.
You can’t force your son to get to know his child but you can encourage him, and this little girl will also appreciate having a gran.
You could add a lot of richness to her life — and she to yours.
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