LADIES and gents, gather ’round. Let’s talk about International Masturbation Month.
Oh, wipe that sheepish look off your face. You’ve masturbated. Your mates have masturbated. Your boss has masturbated. Your frumpy middle-aged neighbour Meg has masturbated. Statistically, most people you know have literal first-hand experience with brushing the beaver, jerkin’ the gherkin, or whatever other crude slang is slightly more comforting to you than the M-word.
International Masturbation Month was started in 1995, after then-US Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders was fired by the government for publicly advocating that masturbation should be discussed in school classrooms.
The staff at Good Vibrations, an adult sex store in San Francisco, were shocked. Education about masturbation? How is that NOT a good idea!
That May, International Masturbation Month was born in protest, with a focus on promoting self-love as a healthy and natural way of exploring one’s sexuality.
Look, it’s now 2016. There’s no point pretending a bit of self-love is shameful, or going to cause blindness like your grandparents’ Catholic school P.E. teacher forewarned.
But before you bolt your bedroom door shut and reach for the KY, here’s something worth considering: a growing community of people are too afraid to take part.
MEET THE ‘NO-FAP’ COMMUNITY
The “No-Fap” community is a growing online community of men that believes in abstaining from pornography and masturbation to rewire the brain.
A “No Fap” Reddit group is going strong, with over 175,000 users (or “Fapstronauts”, as they colourfully call themselves).
Some believe constant exposure to pornography has left them incapable of enjoying, or in some cases even having, real-life sexual relationships.
One user philosophises: “Porn is like salty water. No matter how much you drink from it, will never quench your thirst. On the contrary, it will increase it.”
In extreme cases, men say they are so addicted to masturbation that it’s severely affected their day-to-day life.
A “Fapstronaut” anonymously told news.com.au that his self-described porn addiction had “ruined his life”, saying he doesn’t have the confidence to approach non-pixelated women, and no longer bothered to socialise.
Generally, though, these guys say they just want to take a break from porn, and “reboot” their brain so they don’t need extreme visual aids to get excited.
According to the NoFap website, the aim is to challenge users to abstain from pornography, masturbation or even sex altogether for a period of time, to “free users from porn addiction and porn-induced sexual dysfunction”.
The site stresses it’s neither sex-negative nor anti-masturbation, saying most users don’t see anything inherently bad in the act.
Rather, it says, the challenge is to give users’ brains a bit of time to “breathe”, with the ultimate goal of making real-life sex and relationships more enjoyable.
The site reads: “We ultimately want people to enjoy sex! We argue that heavy porn use makes real sex less enjoyable by desensitising the brain’s reward system, which has consequences on sexual performance and intimacy.
“Most users return to sex soon after their reboots only to report vastly improved sex lives.”
IS MASTURBATION REALLY THAT HARMFUL?
Hardly. Countless studies have shown masturbation is a healthy way to relieve stress, release endorphins and help you figure yourself out.
But — and experts are divided on this — some research over the past decade suggests it can present a more serious problem for men, particularly when more extreme forms of pornography enter the picture (or rather, device screen).
What’s “extreme”? Good question. It’s a subjective term — and therein lies the problem. What may have been considered ‘extreme’ 30 years ago can now be found on primetime television, and what’s ‘extreme’ now may well be normal in another few decades.
That’s according to Professor Meredith Temple-Smith, an academic specialising in research around sexual and reproductive health at the University of Melbourne.
Last year, she co-authored a study called ‘It’s always just there in your face’: Young people’s views on porn, which argues that porn in the internet age is getting increasingly degrading towards women.
“I’ve spoken to sexual therapists and GPs who say young men who masturbate to this kind of porn may find it difficult to have normal sex without it on,” she told news.com.au. “And because a lot of sex is around learned behaviour — after all, the biggest sex organ is the brain — you see how this can easily become a problem.”
The study says the sheer accessibility of more graphic material to young people can affect their attitudes towards sex and sexual behaviour.
“Studies show porn has increasingly gotten more violent over the past decade,” said Professor Temple-Smith. “Women are depicted displaying pleasure or smiling when something violent is happening, and young men think it’s appropriate.
“Hand-held cameras are increasingly used to make the whole thing seem more real.”
Teenagers who participated in the study expressed similar views. One female respondent said she believes that sex and violence are now inextricably linked.
“The girl always has to dress up in a subordinate role, being a nurse or a maid or an air hostess. It’s just making us seem so subordinate to men and then they can use that dominance against us.
“Boys think females should just do it because porn stars do it.”
A 16-year-old male respondent said from his experience that boys as young as 12 years old were watching porn of all types on their smartphones at school, often encouraged by their parents.
“Young men seem to have reached a new level of ignorance around sexual health,” said Professor Temple-Smith.
“I think it’s partly because we only offer sex-ed in schools way too late. We’re setting men up for failure — we’re not teaching them healthy sexual practices, we’re not teaching respect early on, particularly respect for young women.”
SO WE SHOULD STOP WATCHING PORN IMMEDIATELY?
Not so fast. Not everyone agrees that porn is actually harming the brain.
Dr Alan McKee, the Associate Dean (Research and Development) at the UTS Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences, has published several articles exploring sexual development and the effect of porn on young people.
He told news.com.au there is no concrete evidence that men who masturbate to pornography find real-life sexual relationships more difficult.
He said while there may be individual examples of young people with severe sexual problems, the biggest issue is a lack of adequate sexual education, and a culture that still sees things like pornography and masturbation as things to be ashamed of.
“Studies have actually found that people who are more sexually open are actually more likely to embrace gender equality,” he said.
He stressed there’s no actual medical or scientific basis to support the “No Fap” ideology, likening it to Catholic priests using celibacy to attain a higher moral calling.
However, both experts agreed that sex education needs to take more priority in society, because most young people currently learn about sex almost solely from adult content.
Dr McKee said he conducted focus groups on young people to find out how they learnt about sex.
It was found that from school they were getting biological information, and were being taught about infections like HIV.
From their parents, they were getting next to nothing – boys were being told to use a condom, while girls were generally being told not to have sex at all.
From their friends, they were getting misinformation – a case of the blind leading the blind.
Therefore, young people only had porn to teach them about sex.
“The problem with porn as sex-ed is that, while it’s great at encouraging you to be relaxed and comfortable, it’s really bad at teaching you to negotiate consent,” said Dr. McKee.
“We asked young people, ‘How would you ask for what you want sexually?’ and there was almost unanimous agreement that you must never actually ask for it explicitly, because that spoils the romance.
“They rely on hints and body language. They’re not getting any kind of teaching or support, they’re not learning consent in terms of questions and feedback.
“We spoke to young girls who said they didn’t have any sense of what they even wanted sexually. Many said masturbation among women was wrong, and that the only people who would do it are lesbians or desperate people.”
These statistics check out. Dr Megan Lim, an expert at the Burnet Institute Centre for Population Health, has conducted extensive research into the pornography viewing habits of young people in Australia.
She told news.com.au that 100 per cent of young men aged 15 to 29 have watched porn, and
just over 80 per cent of them have watched it on a weekly to daily basis in the past year.
Comparatively, while 81 per cent of women have seen porn, only 22 per cent said they watch it on a weekly or daily basis.
The reality, Dr McKee said, is that people who regularly masturbate tend to have better sex lives. He said how they do it, and the material they use to do it, makes no difference to their mind.
Sex, porn, masturbation — ultimately it’s just a conversation we need to stop shying away from.
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