‘What would you like me to do?’ The question Stacey June was too shocked to answer

WARNING: Adult themes.

I WAS completely floored. Gobsmacked. I had just been asked a huge question in the bedroom by a new guy and had no idea what to say.

In the heat of the moment he looked at me and said, “What do you like? What do you want from me?”

Here was a man asking me what he can do to be loving, caring, and fun. Basically he wanted to spice up my life. #Girlpower

I was so shocked that I looked at him like he’d just said, “You have the head of a camel, but hey let’s still get it on”.

The most confronting thing was that I realised I had no idea what I wanted.

Gulp. Talk about awkward.

Do you know what you want from your man? Have you ever been asked?

When I posed the question to my girlfriends I got lots of confused answers.

“Well, I have never been asked that, now that you mention it. It’s a bloody good question,” the first friend said.

The next friend ran away from addressing it. “Oh man. I still don’t know the answer to that! When a dude I slept with asked me that, I decided it was a bad idea to ever see him again. I was too embarrassed,” she said.

And a girlfriend of mine who has been settled in a relationship for six years said: “We have tricks that are a given and were found in our relationship at the start. I mean they work and we are happy I guess but if my man asked me that now, I would have no idea what to say.”

It was unanimous. No one knew the answer.

Lucky for me, a girlfriend I have on my speed dial sexologist Dr Nikki Goldstein, who tells me the answer is some more one on one time ladies.

“It comes down to a combination of not having explored enough with your own body and sexual pleasure but also that many woman don’t feel they can ask or take charge,” she said.

“We are often taught that men are the deliverers of sexual pleasure even from a young age, with terminology like ‘giving your virginity’. What do we actually give away? We need to own our sexual pleasure and part of that is being responsible for finding out what turns us on.”

OK my beautiful, smart sexologist friend. But how should we explore?

“If you are single, explore romantically and sexually but make sure you have worked out what boundaries make you feel comfortable and why you feel the need to explore in the first place,” Dr Goldstein said.

“Exploration sexually should be from curiosity and discovering, not for validatingoneself. Boundaries are also there to protect us. It can be good to push those just a little but it’s also wise to work out what ones are there and for what reasons … In relationships, couples should feel that they can explore and experiment without having to include anyone else. Discuss your fantasies with your partner and every so often try something new or a desire that you can explore together.”

So there’s some homework for you peeps!

Once you get an idea of what your boundaries are and what turns you on, maybe you will be able to answer the big question in a sexy, clear and sensual way, instead of doing what I did and look like the shocked emoji with the blue around his face.

Fellas, you have homework too. Ask the question! You will a) be a hero, and b) probably get intense pleasure from the experience yourself.

You are welcome.