I’M sure I will regret writing this as the world will know my dirty little secret, but it’s time for me to come clean.
For the past six months or so I have started a daily ritual — it’s a painful, shameful and humiliating experience, but I have come too far to stop.
Every morning I’ve been revisiting the remains of a darker period of my existence, tackling the demons of my past head on and removing them from my life forever.
I like to think of it as a therapeutic experience that will ensure my happiness in the future.
My ritual starts with me waking up, grabbing my phone and going straight to Facebook.
No, I’m not interested in what you wore on the weekend, who you’re now in a relationship with or what petition you just signed.
I log on and head straight to the ‘On This Day’ feature and then I simply ‘delete’ the cringe-worthy posts that my 20-year-old self thought were hilarious — each and every shameful memory at a time.
Facebook probably thought it had created a nifty little feature to allow people to share their precious memories once again with the world.
However, what they actually created was a time-warp of 5am club photos, TMI status updates and bad fashion choices.
Some might think the purpose of my daily ritual is to remove unflattering photos from my profile, but that’s not what I’m concerned about.
Sure, I have more than my fair share of horrendous photos (2008-2009 was a particularly fugly period) but what I’m really looking out for is the posts where I have made my self sound either stupid, ditzy, drunk or a combination of all three.
One of the more cringe-worthy moments was a comment a friend had left on my wall in 2008.
“Sweet! I’m excited for it then ... I need a fasinator ... or how ever its spelt for Saturday (sic). Whoohoo, hot guys all day long. This will be fun x,” she wrote on my wall.
Really friend, ‘hot guys all day long’?
Who on earth would knowingly declare to the world they’re excited for hot guys, let alone hot guys all day long.
More importantly, why didn’t she use spellchecker?
Luckily for her I can also delete embarrassing posts left by my friends, so that monstrosity has been wiped from my wall forever.
Another thing I’m on the look out for when spring cleaning my social media are status updates I made a few years ago I thought were funny at the time, but now need to be removed in case a future employer somehow comes across them.
However, it’s not all as bad as it seems.
Sometimes you come across wonderful updates that can’t be removed because they are just too hilarious.
It’s all about balance.
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